My takeaways from Mumbai!!

It was July 2008, when I first stepped to Mumbai, with lots of dreams, aspirations and hopes to make it big. I was like all other people who come to this city of dreams with the intention of only gaining and not loosing anything. I too believed the same way. I felt I has nothing to loose, so it was a good deal. I joined my college with lots of enthusiasm, not realising what life has to offer me over here. When I look back , I find I have lost  lot of things, including trust, but on the other hand, gained faith and friends for life.

When I came here, my only intention was to get a degree and enter the corporate world, be a renowned figure in my field and someday get a degree from IIM in fellowship. I was the usual girl I used to be in the initial days. Then slowly slowly life started changing. I began adopting Mumbai's lifestyle, wherein most of my language got twisted. I lost the innocent kid I used to be and transformed into someone who was quite matured and too demanding. I began using slang in my conversation and much before I could realize I was the one often using words like f***, in my sentence, which I once used to put in the category of forbidden words. I adjusted with that and thought, that was just and as I would not be loosing anything in that process didn't care much about it.

Well, then the thing happened which made me loose my trust on emotions, feelings, love, guys and many more but that at the same time made me realize what good people were around me and how was I neglecting them.

I met this guy, whom I even dated for a year, and then I broke up on a very hostile note. Things were not at all good when I broke up, and I had to bear that. I tried to hide my pain from all the people, around me which was an unsuccessful attempt though. I wrote N number of poems, notes, diaries and shared my feel with that. When words could not suffice, my eyes, my actions spoke up. I started doing things which were totally unexpected out of me. At times, I landed up in such conditions, where I was on the verge of killing myself, (well not in an attempt to suicide, but in a road accident). Then I got selected in a paper presentation and went to kirloskar, which proved to be a rescue. Met some really good people there and talking to them helped me a lot. When I could not handle my breakup all alone, since its my first and i hope it to be the last too, I confined to my frens. Anand, Ifti, Manpreet, Vishakha, u guys were really helpful. And I should thank Anand, my best fren at ITM, for being there always whenever I needed someone to talk too. I know I have been shouting at you and acting foolish at times, but you never mind it. You actually are one  among the list of my best frens ever.

When I was with my guy (ex-guy) I was so into him, that I never got time to look around and even judge people in my own classs and around me. It was only after I was over with him, I could judge them in a proper manner. Though we have lot of politics, but some of them, who I take to be my good frens are superb!!!!

so to sum it up, 

I gained:

1. A fren for life;

2. A lifetime experience on trusting people;

3. A firm belief on there is no such thing called love at first sight (at least not on internet);

4. A degree in PGDM-HR;

5. An happening hostel and boring hostel life;

6. An I don't care attitude;

7. Lots of lingo and colloquial "gaalis";

8. Experience on how difficult is it to get a job;

9.  Lesson that brands counts and no matter how well you are in concepts, you need to have 60% throughout;

10 Lots of memoried which I would never forget.

I loosed:

1.  My trust on the one whom I has totally trusted;

2. My belief in the so called "pyaar andha hota hain" dialogue;

3. The innocence once I had;

4. The sweet language once I used;

5. The free person, I used to be as in when I never used to take life seriously and did whatever I wanted to do;

Nyways, gain is more that loss, so not a bad deal :)

Till my next blog or till I remember some more points to add.... ADIEU

My Diaries

3rd February 2010

  There has been lots of things going on around these days. With placement session going on and tension looming on the minds of those who are yet to be placed, I being one of them, makes it kind of frightening at times. And I feel my case is just special, everyone might feel so with respect to them, but since its my blog, I will write what I feel :).

I have been seeing custom messages of people these days. some of the specimen. 

Bulbul:   one person ready to depart...............just 7 days with one of my best roomie(ex-roomie) P.S. miss u  dear.

Swapna:  I really gonna miss these place.....I m gonna miss my college days.

Minal:     last few days of college......................(sorry I don't remember the whole lines)

Its not that I don't know it has to get over. Some day this course had to complete and we had to leave. We all were so strangers when we came here, tried knowing or to put in better words understanding each other and developed a bond which grew stronger and stronger with time. We all would definitely miss these days. But as said, life goes on and all that I would do is pray that somewhere, somehow, sometime I do meet you people and probably then we will have more important and actually meaningful/serious issues things to discuss.

Leaving the happening of my college and having a look at the outside world. I read a news today, which talked of an Indian Girl, UMA JHA, who won the brightest brain award in Australia, at the age of 14 years and now would be participating in the international contest. Wished her luck!!!

And again as per my usual habit, started comparing myself to her and where I stand. I was way behind her, in fact I still stand there. The only thing that gave me a relief was, she might be good in her own ways but Im best in my own ways. 

Last few days, have also shown how human mentality works. How we get happy on the success of some of our close people. I also came to know the opposite of that, but didn't pay much attention to that since it was not my concern.

One more thing that has been bothering me is how would I adjust with new people in coming few months. I will have to shift coz my courses are soon to get over, and then I will have to leave hostel as well as my roommates and friends. I remember what happened to me when I went to Mundra for my summer's. M kind of busy preparing myself for that too....

Oh God!!!...I have my exams and m busy writing blogs...this shows how frustrated Im with studies now :)

P.S.: thanks Minal, Swapna and Bulbul

  the person for whom Bulbul's custom message was meant is Manpreet. I too will miss u Beti. LUV U.. TAKE CARE :)

Mumbai, Decemeber 23.

How does it feel when you are sad, feel alone, unwanted and all of a sudden you get a text from a long time friend reading "I was listening to aaoge jab tum from jab we met and started missing u guys".  Well for me it was a savior. I recently came out of a bad relation, and was facing the aftermath of it. So much so, that could not sleep properly and was fighting with my eyelids in an attempt to keep them closed tightly, so that I would in that process fall to sleep. But all in Vain!!  Then suddenly there was a beep sound and a text on my cell. It was the one which acted like a lullaby, and I was asleep soon.

I have often realized that as we progress in life, we often tend to overlook many of the people who at some point of time had been too close to us, as a fren. It might not only be with me, but with all of us. Simply because we get so involved in our daily chores that we loose touch with them. Though we remember them at times and miss them, we don't get enough time to make them feel of know that "I MISS YOU GUYS". :(

But still, when you need them, knowingly  or unknowingly something happens which makes you feel good. Thanks Utsav for that message.

So, this goes to all of us, who intentionally or unintentionally forget to remind their friends that they are precious and remembered and missed always. Do take few minutes out of your busy life and either text them, or send a mail, saying how special they are :)...

Merry christmas, and a happy new year !!

Date: 23rd November 2009
Place: Karnataka

I have been at this place for the past two days now. This place is so good that I don't feel like leaving it. I wish I could do that. Of course, I can't since back there at Mumbai, we have placement season going on, and with the kind of market we have now, its better not to take any chances. So the point is that I have to leave.
The scenic beauty over here and the weather, mild breeze, the wild darkness, the cool wind and all made me feel at home again. The kind of persons I met over here, never let me feel even for a second that Im between strangers. Everyone acts so good as if we have been friends for years. I feel extremely comfortable over here(needless to say that my mentor Gopal sir is the director of this institute).
The moment I boarded my bus from Kharghar I was quite apprehensive as to what will I do there? will I be comfortable? How will I react to people and there strange gestures, their unfriendly and hostile glances. It all turned out to be the other way round. One of my worries was regarding me getting nervous during presentation. I should thank the people over here for making me so comfortable that I could not make out that I was presenting before KIAMS students and not ITMites. Post presentation was superb, as all of the people who listened to my preentation and show me presenting came up to me on their own and appreciated my effort(who on this earth would not like that, to be appreciated by people...).
It doesn't matter to me now whether I win or not. It was all about participation and getting experience, exposure and a break from the busy schedule of ITM(I know busy schedule sounds a little funny.hehe).
Back when I return to ITM, I know I would definitely use all the things I learnt over here. And needless to say, I feel totally new now and quite relaxed. Well this was the break I badly needed and I got it finally!!!
Well its time to get back to work and head for the placement cell, with full enthusiasm, determination and zeal to make it.. :)
THANKS KIAMS FOR GIVING ME SUCH A GUD EXPEREINCE......will miss u guys :(

Its over and done

I had often heard people saying that the best way to speak your heart out is either to say it all to someone you could confine in or write it out. I chose to resort to the second way. It was becoming difficult for me to handle all the intricacies of the relation and the problems arising in there. So finally I decided to do what was the only option- I CALLED IT OFF!!

Sounds good :). Though I might feel the pain now and miss him like hell but in the long run I would be happy. Wondering on the moments I had with him, I feel like crying at times but as soon as I start thinking about the moments I would have had with him in future, I can't resist congratulating myself for this decision. It did not end in a hostile note, we still met and decided to be good frens (which I know would not work). All that I should do it stop all this at once and I will do that.

There are many things that remind me of him: waking up with his voice, sharing each and every thing with him, calling him when got nervous, shouting at him without reason, getting furious on seeing his frenly chat sessions with a girl, crying like a child with him, acting like crazy with him, his particular words and reactions which I could very well guess, his customized words :), my nickname kept by him, his gifts, sleeping at night with his voice, talking to him for around 16-18 hours a day. I used to talk to him more that my family and frens, so putting that all to hault at once could be a little problematic for me. I can handle that for sure as I know that what happened not is better that what would have happened at future.

I had always been a girl who would do anything and everything she wished. For the past one year I found many restrictions on myself. Now it feels as if I got my freedom and want to bring back the previous sumi to life. I want to stop existing and start living. Want to complete the sole purpose for which I came here, my career aspirations.

I know it won't be difficult. All that I would need is a lot of determination and the ability and vision to look at things the correct way.
Im done and overdone...its all over and a new beginning awaits me. Just want to go out and hold it with both hands and all strengths.

My father once told me “you should make your aspirations the people who are more fortunate than you and learn to live looking at people who are less fortunate than you.”
I wondered why my papa says so. Doesn’t he want me to get to the top? Doesn’t he want me to dream high? Does he still want us to be somewhere downs the line? I couldn’t get the answer to these questions then (might be because I could not think logically). But now as I go on the journey of life and see different people and different situations of life, I find his philosophy quite true. Yesterday I visited Balwadi, an NGO initiative. I saw the children over there. They were so innocent that when we took their pictures on a camera, they at first got scared and when we explained them what it was and showed them their recordings, they started posing for the pics. They would even out do the supermodels in giving pose (the most beautiful part not being their figure and body language, but their innocence and smiling faces). Can we imagine ourselves being in the school or college whole day, just for the sake of getting NASTA???... I don’t blame the NGO, because that is only what can help them getting the child to school. Never mind!!!! Let’s hope that one day they grow up to be good students, a good citizen and a good human being, who would provide their children good education and good life (by good life I don’t mean a lavish lifestyle).
The first thing I have noticed about these children of laborers, farm workers and dihari majdoors is that they are the happiest person in this world. I don’t know what for, but they are!! They sometimes lack the basic amenities, don’t get three meals a day, no proper clothes, no pocket money, no chocolates and all that we can’t do without. And still you would never see their face without a smile. Might be their situation have taught them to be happy, come what may. And I adore them for that. The second thing, few of them have an excellent memory and could grasp the thing at one go. No wonder why I wondered that in W.B., madhyamik toppers are mostly from the not so good to do family. They don’t have tuitions, no reference books, at times not even syllabus books, and the worst part they at times also have to work to support their family. Despite all these they manage to get above 98% in exams. I would never miss “JANPATH SAMACHAR” the day when results were declared, just because I wanted to read the stories of such guys. So humble they were that they never took the credit for their hard work. What most of them said was “it was all because of the help extended by my school teachers, principals and the blessings of my parents”. What an attitude!! HATS OFF TO THOSE GUYS!!!
I myself have at times tried to adopt their attitude, but as one can say, I failed!! I would maintain it for once, twice, thrice and at the fourth time, I would say myself “bahut ho gaya, enough is enough!!! I can’t keep on smiling and pretending to be happy, when I m not”. On introspecting the only reason I can find out for my getting angry was I WAS PRETENDING TO BE HAPPY, THEY ARE GENUINELY HAPPY. We want everything in life to lead a happy life; they need only life and can lead it happily anywhere, anyhow.
I respect my company, where I m doing my interns, for taking such initiative under the CSR policy and spreading happiness and hope to few of such people who really need it. I just hope that the chain goes on multiplying till it becomes so long that it could cover the whole of my “BHARAT”. Hoping for the best….
One song which would fit their attitude according to me is:
“Ruk jaana nahi tu kahi haarke
Kaaton pe chalke milenge saaye bahar ke…
O rahi…..o rahi…o rahi...o rahi”

kabhi alvida na kehna

I remember the first time I left for kolkata leaving my home and friends behind. since then, it has been no turnback. I have not been to home. I miss my room, mumma, my college and my friends. Its not a new thing for me. I have been used to this kind of thing. Shayad pa ke defence me hone se mujhe yahi lesson mili hain ki kabhi kahi bhi attachment mat banaya karo. But can't help it. I have made friends such that I can't forget them now. I miss them, moreover as I have a photogenic memory it's next to impossible for me to not remember them. I remember how I left Preeti at shillong and Piu at Assam and all. I remember how I first met Utsav, Manish and all at Kolkata and how we became good friends. I remeber how apprehensive I was when I first came to Mumbai. I thought that I was going to a land, where I would be all alone. Thanks to few people whom I call friends for making me extremely comfortable over there. It would be unfair on my part if I don't mention two people over here, Nainy (Poka) and Nidhi, my roomies!!!I remember how we use to do masti with each and every action of Nidhi aur uske muh kholte hi dar ke so jaana, the masti, fun and exams ke tension. Nyways, things were not the same when we came for interns and no one knows whose fault it was (everyone has their own perspective) but never mind!!! no digression....atleast one thing is for sure..we had FUN.Well talking about my memory, I at times feel bad that why can't I forget things even when I want to do that and move on. Might be there is something good in it..aakhir sab kuch achche ke liye hi hota hain. My memories haunt me anytime I leave for a new place. When I came to Mundra for my interns, I could not sleep at night. I would feel ki abhi door khulega aur koi to bhi aa jayega. I used to search for the road, which our room faced. I remeber how a dog used to sit over there and two people till late night and whenever I use to feel lonely, that would be my rescue....I would look on the road, speechless, without allowing any single thought to enter my mind. Strange but true, when I went to the washroom at Mundra's hostel, I could hear Nainy asking me "Sumi, aur kitna time lagega?" The next moment I realized what an idiot I was. I did some really stupid things. Got up at 7:35 in the morning and rushed to get my clothes, just with the intention that I don't miss the bus. Pehli baar aisa laga ki "kash hostel ka khana mil jaye." For the first time I found this all AC waala office nothing in front of my classroom. I looked at the pics we had of past days, and guess what?? the next moment I kept them aside, because I came here for a purpose, to learn and I don't want all those thoughts to keep coming to my mind and make me nostalgic (shayad jo ghar se bahar rehte hain unke liye hostel hi ghar hota hain). I know that I have to love my life this way hereafter.

If I get placed next year, then I will again have to live away from home and all alone. But never mind, yeh saari chije kuch hi din rehti hain. Jab sar pe kaam aata hain to haalat kharab ho jaati hain. That is what happened to me over here. I have seen people over here go crazy for their work and just pray ki meri haalat inke jaise na ho. Rest all God knows..

But its true I miss home, my room, all places I have been, Mumbai, ITM, Devi Vandana, Vada Paw waale bhaiya, Jassi da dhaba, Warden maam, hostel ka B'day celebration, Anand ke phate jokes, Ifti ki accent, Samson ke aaaaaaaa..., Nainy ki aew..!!!, Nidhi ki laughing buddha waala pose, sona ka gaana, Sharat ka "I mean", Cheulkar sir ke questions and the way he used to say "Nidhi priya can you please help Nainy, sumitra?", Das maam ki table and people ka pronunciation, Ani ki hindi, Vishaka ka mujhse dar jaana, Priyanka ka questions, Kabita maam ka "zero" (we won't hear it again since she left the college), Shekhari sir ki kahaniyan(Potli baba), Bus waali masti and bus waale bhaiya ki dadagiri, and all those things.....yaar memory ne dhokha de diya....kuch yaad hi nahi aa raha :)... khair baad me..

To end with, I heard this song today morning, isliye yaad reh gaya tha

"pyaar karte karte, hum tum kahi kho gaye agar

aur suni lagne lage, tumko yeh saari dagar

hum laut aayenge, tum bulate rehna

[ KABHI ALVIDA NA KEHNA]2