Mumbai, Decemeber 23.

How does it feel when you are sad, feel alone, unwanted and all of a sudden you get a text from a long time friend reading "I was listening to aaoge jab tum from jab we met and started missing u guys".  Well for me it was a savior. I recently came out of a bad relation, and was facing the aftermath of it. So much so, that could not sleep properly and was fighting with my eyelids in an attempt to keep them closed tightly, so that I would in that process fall to sleep. But all in Vain!!  Then suddenly there was a beep sound and a text on my cell. It was the one which acted like a lullaby, and I was asleep soon.

I have often realized that as we progress in life, we often tend to overlook many of the people who at some point of time had been too close to us, as a fren. It might not only be with me, but with all of us. Simply because we get so involved in our daily chores that we loose touch with them. Though we remember them at times and miss them, we don't get enough time to make them feel of know that "I MISS YOU GUYS". :(

But still, when you need them, knowingly  or unknowingly something happens which makes you feel good. Thanks Utsav for that message.

So, this goes to all of us, who intentionally or unintentionally forget to remind their friends that they are precious and remembered and missed always. Do take few minutes out of your busy life and either text them, or send a mail, saying how special they are :)...

Merry christmas, and a happy new year !!

Date: 23rd November 2009
Place: Karnataka

I have been at this place for the past two days now. This place is so good that I don't feel like leaving it. I wish I could do that. Of course, I can't since back there at Mumbai, we have placement season going on, and with the kind of market we have now, its better not to take any chances. So the point is that I have to leave.
The scenic beauty over here and the weather, mild breeze, the wild darkness, the cool wind and all made me feel at home again. The kind of persons I met over here, never let me feel even for a second that Im between strangers. Everyone acts so good as if we have been friends for years. I feel extremely comfortable over here(needless to say that my mentor Gopal sir is the director of this institute).
The moment I boarded my bus from Kharghar I was quite apprehensive as to what will I do there? will I be comfortable? How will I react to people and there strange gestures, their unfriendly and hostile glances. It all turned out to be the other way round. One of my worries was regarding me getting nervous during presentation. I should thank the people over here for making me so comfortable that I could not make out that I was presenting before KIAMS students and not ITMites. Post presentation was superb, as all of the people who listened to my preentation and show me presenting came up to me on their own and appreciated my effort(who on this earth would not like that, to be appreciated by people...).
It doesn't matter to me now whether I win or not. It was all about participation and getting experience, exposure and a break from the busy schedule of ITM(I know busy schedule sounds a little funny.hehe).
Back when I return to ITM, I know I would definitely use all the things I learnt over here. And needless to say, I feel totally new now and quite relaxed. Well this was the break I badly needed and I got it finally!!!
Well its time to get back to work and head for the placement cell, with full enthusiasm, determination and zeal to make it.. :)
THANKS KIAMS FOR GIVING ME SUCH A GUD EXPEREINCE......will miss u guys :(

Its over and done

I had often heard people saying that the best way to speak your heart out is either to say it all to someone you could confine in or write it out. I chose to resort to the second way. It was becoming difficult for me to handle all the intricacies of the relation and the problems arising in there. So finally I decided to do what was the only option- I CALLED IT OFF!!

Sounds good :). Though I might feel the pain now and miss him like hell but in the long run I would be happy. Wondering on the moments I had with him, I feel like crying at times but as soon as I start thinking about the moments I would have had with him in future, I can't resist congratulating myself for this decision. It did not end in a hostile note, we still met and decided to be good frens (which I know would not work). All that I should do it stop all this at once and I will do that.

There are many things that remind me of him: waking up with his voice, sharing each and every thing with him, calling him when got nervous, shouting at him without reason, getting furious on seeing his frenly chat sessions with a girl, crying like a child with him, acting like crazy with him, his particular words and reactions which I could very well guess, his customized words :), my nickname kept by him, his gifts, sleeping at night with his voice, talking to him for around 16-18 hours a day. I used to talk to him more that my family and frens, so putting that all to hault at once could be a little problematic for me. I can handle that for sure as I know that what happened not is better that what would have happened at future.

I had always been a girl who would do anything and everything she wished. For the past one year I found many restrictions on myself. Now it feels as if I got my freedom and want to bring back the previous sumi to life. I want to stop existing and start living. Want to complete the sole purpose for which I came here, my career aspirations.

I know it won't be difficult. All that I would need is a lot of determination and the ability and vision to look at things the correct way.
Im done and overdone...its all over and a new beginning awaits me. Just want to go out and hold it with both hands and all strengths.

My father once told me “you should make your aspirations the people who are more fortunate than you and learn to live looking at people who are less fortunate than you.”
I wondered why my papa says so. Doesn’t he want me to get to the top? Doesn’t he want me to dream high? Does he still want us to be somewhere downs the line? I couldn’t get the answer to these questions then (might be because I could not think logically). But now as I go on the journey of life and see different people and different situations of life, I find his philosophy quite true. Yesterday I visited Balwadi, an NGO initiative. I saw the children over there. They were so innocent that when we took their pictures on a camera, they at first got scared and when we explained them what it was and showed them their recordings, they started posing for the pics. They would even out do the supermodels in giving pose (the most beautiful part not being their figure and body language, but their innocence and smiling faces). Can we imagine ourselves being in the school or college whole day, just for the sake of getting NASTA???... I don’t blame the NGO, because that is only what can help them getting the child to school. Never mind!!!! Let’s hope that one day they grow up to be good students, a good citizen and a good human being, who would provide their children good education and good life (by good life I don’t mean a lavish lifestyle).
The first thing I have noticed about these children of laborers, farm workers and dihari majdoors is that they are the happiest person in this world. I don’t know what for, but they are!! They sometimes lack the basic amenities, don’t get three meals a day, no proper clothes, no pocket money, no chocolates and all that we can’t do without. And still you would never see their face without a smile. Might be their situation have taught them to be happy, come what may. And I adore them for that. The second thing, few of them have an excellent memory and could grasp the thing at one go. No wonder why I wondered that in W.B., madhyamik toppers are mostly from the not so good to do family. They don’t have tuitions, no reference books, at times not even syllabus books, and the worst part they at times also have to work to support their family. Despite all these they manage to get above 98% in exams. I would never miss “JANPATH SAMACHAR” the day when results were declared, just because I wanted to read the stories of such guys. So humble they were that they never took the credit for their hard work. What most of them said was “it was all because of the help extended by my school teachers, principals and the blessings of my parents”. What an attitude!! HATS OFF TO THOSE GUYS!!!
I myself have at times tried to adopt their attitude, but as one can say, I failed!! I would maintain it for once, twice, thrice and at the fourth time, I would say myself “bahut ho gaya, enough is enough!!! I can’t keep on smiling and pretending to be happy, when I m not”. On introspecting the only reason I can find out for my getting angry was I WAS PRETENDING TO BE HAPPY, THEY ARE GENUINELY HAPPY. We want everything in life to lead a happy life; they need only life and can lead it happily anywhere, anyhow.
I respect my company, where I m doing my interns, for taking such initiative under the CSR policy and spreading happiness and hope to few of such people who really need it. I just hope that the chain goes on multiplying till it becomes so long that it could cover the whole of my “BHARAT”. Hoping for the best….
One song which would fit their attitude according to me is:
“Ruk jaana nahi tu kahi haarke
Kaaton pe chalke milenge saaye bahar ke…
O rahi…..o rahi…o rahi...o rahi”

kabhi alvida na kehna

I remember the first time I left for kolkata leaving my home and friends behind. since then, it has been no turnback. I have not been to home. I miss my room, mumma, my college and my friends. Its not a new thing for me. I have been used to this kind of thing. Shayad pa ke defence me hone se mujhe yahi lesson mili hain ki kabhi kahi bhi attachment mat banaya karo. But can't help it. I have made friends such that I can't forget them now. I miss them, moreover as I have a photogenic memory it's next to impossible for me to not remember them. I remember how I left Preeti at shillong and Piu at Assam and all. I remember how I first met Utsav, Manish and all at Kolkata and how we became good friends. I remeber how apprehensive I was when I first came to Mumbai. I thought that I was going to a land, where I would be all alone. Thanks to few people whom I call friends for making me extremely comfortable over there. It would be unfair on my part if I don't mention two people over here, Nainy (Poka) and Nidhi, my roomies!!!I remember how we use to do masti with each and every action of Nidhi aur uske muh kholte hi dar ke so jaana, the masti, fun and exams ke tension. Nyways, things were not the same when we came for interns and no one knows whose fault it was (everyone has their own perspective) but never mind!!! no digression....atleast one thing is for sure..we had FUN.Well talking about my memory, I at times feel bad that why can't I forget things even when I want to do that and move on. Might be there is something good in it..aakhir sab kuch achche ke liye hi hota hain. My memories haunt me anytime I leave for a new place. When I came to Mundra for my interns, I could not sleep at night. I would feel ki abhi door khulega aur koi to bhi aa jayega. I used to search for the road, which our room faced. I remeber how a dog used to sit over there and two people till late night and whenever I use to feel lonely, that would be my rescue....I would look on the road, speechless, without allowing any single thought to enter my mind. Strange but true, when I went to the washroom at Mundra's hostel, I could hear Nainy asking me "Sumi, aur kitna time lagega?" The next moment I realized what an idiot I was. I did some really stupid things. Got up at 7:35 in the morning and rushed to get my clothes, just with the intention that I don't miss the bus. Pehli baar aisa laga ki "kash hostel ka khana mil jaye." For the first time I found this all AC waala office nothing in front of my classroom. I looked at the pics we had of past days, and guess what?? the next moment I kept them aside, because I came here for a purpose, to learn and I don't want all those thoughts to keep coming to my mind and make me nostalgic (shayad jo ghar se bahar rehte hain unke liye hostel hi ghar hota hain). I know that I have to love my life this way hereafter.

If I get placed next year, then I will again have to live away from home and all alone. But never mind, yeh saari chije kuch hi din rehti hain. Jab sar pe kaam aata hain to haalat kharab ho jaati hain. That is what happened to me over here. I have seen people over here go crazy for their work and just pray ki meri haalat inke jaise na ho. Rest all God knows..

But its true I miss home, my room, all places I have been, Mumbai, ITM, Devi Vandana, Vada Paw waale bhaiya, Jassi da dhaba, Warden maam, hostel ka B'day celebration, Anand ke phate jokes, Ifti ki accent, Samson ke aaaaaaaa..., Nainy ki aew..!!!, Nidhi ki laughing buddha waala pose, sona ka gaana, Sharat ka "I mean", Cheulkar sir ke questions and the way he used to say "Nidhi priya can you please help Nainy, sumitra?", Das maam ki table and people ka pronunciation, Ani ki hindi, Vishaka ka mujhse dar jaana, Priyanka ka questions, Kabita maam ka "zero" (we won't hear it again since she left the college), Shekhari sir ki kahaniyan(Potli baba), Bus waali masti and bus waale bhaiya ki dadagiri, and all those things.....yaar memory ne dhokha de diya....kuch yaad hi nahi aa raha :)... khair baad me..

To end with, I heard this song today morning, isliye yaad reh gaya tha

"pyaar karte karte, hum tum kahi kho gaye agar

aur suni lagne lage, tumko yeh saari dagar

hum laut aayenge, tum bulate rehna

[ KABHI ALVIDA NA KEHNA]2

AANKRI SALAAH-A FATHER'S PARTING ADVICE

आंखरी सलाह - एक पिता की अपने बेटे को

नन्हे से कदम जब चलते न थे, गोदी में लेकर तुम्हे चलाया

हर चोटी सी सिसकी पर तुम्हारी, तुम्हे लोरी सुनाके चुप कराया
कही ठण्ड न लगे तुम्हे, सोचके तुम्हे पलने में सुलाया
फिर उस पालने को खरीदने पर भले ही हमने अपना बिस्तार गवाया
तुम्हारी होठों पर हसीं लाने के लिए, ख़ुद को बन्दर जोकर सब कुछ बनाया

ख़ुद दो-दो दिन भूके रहकर भी, तुम्हे दिन में चार-चार बार खिलाया
खुदके कपड़ो की परवाह न की, तुम्हे हर बार नया वस्त्र दिलवाया
ख़ुद टूटी हुयी चपल पहनकर भी तुम्हे विदेशी जूता दिलवाया

तुम्हारी सपनो की खातिर अपनी हेसियत भूल गए
अन्तराष्ट्रीय स्कूल में तुम्हारा दाखिला करवाया
ओवेर्तिमे करके हो या कर्ज लेके, तुम्हे तुम्हारे दोस्तों के बराबर होने का एहसास दिलाया
थक हार कर घर आता था पर तुम्हारा घोड़ा बनना नही भुला
तुम मुझ पर चद्लर ल्हुस होते, मैं तुम्हारी खुसी में खुस था
आज तुम बड़े हो गए हो, एक कामयाब इंसान
अच्छी नौकरी, अच्छा वेतन और अच्छा मकान
तुम्हे घर में हर चीज नई लानी हैं
नई टीवी, नया चूल्हा और नया इंसान
मैं बुदा हो चला हूँ, सो हुयी हैं तेरी माँ
हमारे लिए तुने जरूर कुछ सोचा होगा, बहुत सारे वृद्ध आश्रम का पता लिया होगा
डोनेशन की राशि तैयार कर रहा होगा
हमे वृद्ध आश्रम भेजके तू तो हमे भूल जायेगा
पर हम तुझे नही भूलेंगे, आख़िर हमारा अंश था तू, हमारा वंश

हमे वृद्ध आश्रम भेजके तू अपनी दुनिया में खुस रहना
अपने बच्चों को अच्छी सिक्षा, अच्छे संस्कार देना
हमसे तो कोई कमी रह गई होगी , तू उन्हें सही रास्ता सही बूढी देना!!!!!

कहते हैं की दुनिया में हर इंसान के अपने विचार होते हैं और उन्हें शब्दों में ढलने की प्रतिभा भी हर व्यक्ति में होती हैं। पर इंसान फिर भी उस समय की प्रतीक्षा करता हैं जब उसे कोई प्रेरणा दे। मुझे अपनी प्रेरणा मिली एक वृद्ध आश्रम से। बचपन से मैंने कई बार सुना था, की वृद्ध आश्रम नाम का कोई जगह होती हैं, जहाँ वृद्ध लोग रहते हैं। मुझे हमेशा लगता था वे लोग कितने खुस रहते होंगे, अपने दोस्तों के साथ। लेकिन एक बार वृद्ध आश्रम जाकर मेरी सारी सोच बदल गई। हमारा उनसे कोई रिश्ता नही था, पर फिर भी वे लोग हमे देखके कितने खुस हो रहे थे। उनकी वह मासूम सी हसीं इतनी प्यारी थी का मन कर रहा था के उनके होठों सेकभी वह हसीं जाए ही न। वापस आने के बाद मैंने बहुत सोचा, की आख़िर क्यूँ हम अपने माँ-बाप को, जिन्होंने हमे बचपन से पाला पोसा और इस लायक बनाया का आज हम दुनिया को बोल सकते हैं का "मेरी ये औकाद है" क्यूँ हम उनका ख़याल नही रख सकते। हम भी छोटे में उन्हें सताते तो थे न, लेकिन उन्होंने हमे अकेला नही चोदा। वह हमसे कुछ नही मांगते, बस दिन में १० मिनट उनसे बात कर लो। क्या हम इस लायक भी नही रह गए?
यह कविता उसी सोच क नतीजा हैं। इसमे होता यह हैं का एक बाप हैं जिसने अपने बेटे को कड़ी महनत करके, बड़ा किया और एक लायाक, काबिल इंसान बनाया। आज वह बेटा बड़ा हो गया हैं, और अब अपने दुनिया बदने के लिए वह अपने माँ-बाप को वृद्ध आश्राम भेजने कातयारी कर रहा हैं। इसी बात पर उसके वृद्ध पिता उससे अपनी आखरी सलाह दे रहे हैं।

MY FIRST JOB - A SENSE OF ACHIEVEMENT

As a child and even when in high school, I always felt how good would it be to spend your own hard earned money. I always wanted to be self-dependent. Often envious of my elder siblings earning and showing off(I felt so because I was envious of them, they never did it though), I dreamt of the day, I would get thing for me from my own money. The day when I would proudly say my parent "now onwards I will finance my bill and tution fees on my own".After completing my HSC and on joining 1st year of college, my dream came true. I started giving tutions and used to earn 5000 per month(good money as a start up). I was so excited with that job/responsibility in fact. I used to reach before time, force the student to get up for study, often complete his assignments as my homework. I played, partied and studied with them. I had a good number of students-Piyush, Kunal, Saahil.....hehe. I was a friendly teacher. Finally at the end of first month, I got my salary. My head itself went up when aunt handed the envelope to me. I took it in the most decent manner, showing full ettiquettes. As soon as I got out of the house, down the stairs, I was jumping and shouting like crazy. The fisrt thing I did with money was, I got a pen for Papa, which he still keeps with him and in case he doesn't I force him to. Second was GOD for me and I devoted rupees 101 to him( a pretty good amount). I bought chocolates for my siblings and threw a party for friends. When it came to paying the tution fees, I was out of cash.
Mumma had to lend me the money again (one should not promise beforehand and if he/she does so then should not forget).
Next month onwards, I used my income judiciously. Now again, when Im dependent on ym parents for my monthly expenses, I realize how good it was to be self-dependent. Though, they won't say no to me, I feel a little uncomfortable asking them for money. Papa says "money is never a thing before you". I don't understand why? When the whole world is going crazy for me, even me for good placements, why is it thatt parents care so much for us? Why are they ready to take each and every suffering just to see us smile? Why do they forget all there pains on seeing us a little depressed and get all set to make us feel good? And why do I feel so relaxed when I sleep on Pa's lap? digression from the topic!!!!
Anyways.......it feels great to have your own income and Im just waiting for the year 2010, when I get placed (hopefully) and start earning again.
but I also somewhere feel that the lyricist was very correct in writing the song:
"yeh pyaar hi kaafi hain, yeh paisa waisa kya karna"
"pyaare oanchi baahon me, gaati koyal raahon me
dharti pe yahi to khusi hain, apni duniya me aason hi nahi hain"

THE BRIDGE BUILDER

once i read this lines somewhere. These really inspires us and proves that"winners leave a legacy"

THE BRIDGE BUILDER

An old man, going on a lone highway,
came, at the evening, cold and gray,
To a chasm,vast, and deep, and wide,
through which was flowing a sullen tide.
The old man crossed in the twilight dim;
The sullen stream had no fears for him;
but he turned, when safe on other side,
And built a bridge to span the tide.
"old man", said a fellow pilgrim,near,
"you are wasting strength with building here;
your journey will end with the ending day;
You never again must pass this way;
You have crossed the chasm,deep and wide-
why build your bridge at the eventide?"

The builder lifted his old gray head
"Good friend,in the path I have come," he said,
"There followeth after me today
A youth, whose feet must pass this way.
This chasm, that has been naught to me,
To that fair-haired youth may a pitfall be.
He, too, must cross in the twilight dim;
Good friend, Iam building the bridge for him."

WILL ALLEN DROMGOOLE

what would you do???

"what would you do"

here are few questions.....for you to decide on what would you do if you fall into those situation:

1)..... you are in the middle of the sea. your ship has already wrecked and you are on a lifeboat and you feel an urgency to go to the loo;
2)..... you are hungry and its your favorite dish today. you sit at the table only to realize that its your fast today;
3)....you are half way through the interview and it is going good, when you realize that you are being interviewed for another position? very different from the one you applied for;
4).... you get your tickets reserved after waiting for a long time. happy you come home and take a good showers and wash your clothes. Its then you realise that your tickets were in your trouser's pocket, which you just washed.
5)....you have a call for an interview and the details have been sent to you through mail. Its an opportunity you can't afford to miss. You sit in front of your lappy, open the website only to realize that you no more remember the password;
6)....There is a strike in your town and you have exam that day. you anyhow, after much stress in the journey reach the centre. seeing no one there, you call your friend and she says you"the paper got postponed. i called you last night but your cell was switched off." then you realise that yesterday night while rejecting a call you pressed the red button so hard that your cell got switched off.


Do think about this situations....
good luck..

the rationale of love

i often heard people say "love has no boundaries"and does not follow the normal route always. a saying which appeared absurd then. But an incident, changed my thoughts and made me feel that the world is not wrong is saying that......
I remember my friend, saahil, a jovial guy and a caring friend. One who feared the sight of violence(would even puke on seeing bloods and i had to pacify him)....no one ever thought that he can do something so daring....consume poison..
but love made him do so
Let me tell here what happened actually. This guy had a very good track record in academics and sports in school and had lots of(actually loads of) girls falling for him. Once when i asked him"tu itna bhaw kyun kha raha hain", he replied "i don't feel anything"!! Strange that a guy of 20 years doesn't feel anyhting .
Anyways, it was two days for bhai duj, and my parents had gone to his house to invite him(he also was my rakhi bhai). Mumma and papa returned that night and said they would not dine. We were ok with it,as we thought they were tired. But then as i was about to go to sleep, mumma told me "i hardly think that you would be able to put tika to saahil ever again in your lifetime". A little confused i asked her the reason for this disgusting statement. She tole me"he committed suicide".
The story behind this goes like this...this guy had a strange fate which made him love a girl whom he cound never get married to. The girl was his aunt, chachi. When his love for her reached its zenith and he got an idea that it is going to be an endless journey, he decided to halt. Cease to exist in this world for everyone. He did it, and consumed poison. His relatives immediately took him to the hospital but poor fellow died on the way. On knowing the reason, his father decided not to mourn his dead and was happy as someone who would bring disgrace to the family was dead. He said "its good he did my work himself".
But till today, I try to get an answer to this question "what was his fault?". Was it that he loved a girl or he listened to his heart?.....
Why does it happen that one who loves looses most of the time. We are all inspired by the stories of Romeo-Juliet, Heer-Ranjha, Laila-Majnu....but one thing common to them is..
"THEY NEVER WERE UNITED"
Is this the rationale of love that you love someone and then you don't get him/her and end up loosing your life? I support Saahil, in whatever he did. He loved, loved right from the heart and lived with that and died with it.
I also pray that no innocent souls in this world ever get the fate like saahils.
BEST OF LUCK GUYS.....