My interpretation of life post placement

It was not long ago when I used to get up in the morning and have the choice to me to attend or not attend classes, to decide whether I want to go downstairs for breakfast or ask one of my roomie to get it for me upstairs, whether I would go shopping or watch movie in laptop, whether I would go online all day and play games on ibibo or do gtalk. But, I was not happy with it. I wanted to get placed and work. I believed it to be my passion. I was dying out of boredom when I used to stay the whole day at hostel, unplaced, I became frustrated and thought what a hell life was. God understood me, my desire and I got placed.

Then started my life as I wanted it to be. Get up early in the  morning, go to work, work all day like hell, come back (still unsatisfied) and sleep. By the time you go to sleep, you are so tired that you can't take the burden of anything, not even dreaming. You work whole week, like a bonded labor and eagerly wait for weekends, not because you would have fun then, but coz you would sleep and rest those two days. You would not have even come out of the weekly stress totally and you realize that it is monday again and you have to make it to the office.

I, at times feel, what is this life and my income, if I can't enjoy them. I earn reasonably well now, but all that I wish is time to spend them. Not by shopping like crazy (that is what I ideally do), but by giving myself time and the realisation that still I have not forgotten myself. The work and my schedule is taking me away from myself. The only moment I can give to myself is at night, when I finish my daily chores. But what moment is that? I don't even think of myself, rather I think how would I deal with  my assignment the next day.

Negatives apart, there is also good part of this kind of life and that is I earn. Whatever money, be it a big sum or a dime, I spend, I earn it. I no longer have to ask my parents or anyone for help in financial terms. That gives me the sense of self dependence, rather independence and I find my worries and silly criticisms of this kind of life worthless.

P.S: The author was frustrated after a hard day's work and "objective setting", an HR term. Bear with the post.

The woods and me..

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep;


But I have promises to keep

and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep”

As I lay all alone in my new Paying Guest accommodation today, these lines from my school poem comes to my mind. The poet, most probably was Robert Frost (corrections are always welcomed). I try to decipher the poet’s message in these lines and analyze how they suit to my life. It might appear a little insane, but who does sane things after being bored continuously, for like a week. The meaning that I chose to accept was as follows:

“The woods here refer to the woods which would be used when I fall asleep forever with no intention of waking up. They are lovely because they help me go to sleep, they are dark because I see nothing in them except peace and solace and they are deep, so deep that I have no chance of rising high enough to come back to the world. By promises, I infer, the promises which, I have at some point of time made to myself, my parents, friends, siblings and all other people. The miles indicate towards the way and path I have to travel to accomplish those promises and dreams before I finally decide to surrender myself to the woods”.

Well, my inspiration for even thinking of something like this is the movie “The Blind Side”. In the movie, Michael, interprets the poem “into the valley of death rode the six hundred” in such a nice manner that I decided to imitate him. His interpretation was somewhat like this:

“Courages are hard thing to figure. You can have courage based on a dumb idea or a mistake. But you are not supposed to question the dots or coach or your teachers, because they make the rules. Maybe they know the best, maybe they don’t. It all depends on who you are, where you come from. Didn’t at least one of the six hundred guys think about giving up before joining up with their sire? I mean valley of death, is a pretty salty stuff. That’s why courage is tricky. Did you always do what you are told to do.? Sometimes, you might not even know why you are doing something. I mean, any folk can have courage, but honor! That’s the real reason why you need to do something or you don’t. It’s all who you are and maybe who you want to be. If you die trying for something important, then you will have both honor and courage and that is pretty good. I think that is what the writer was saying. You should hope for courage and pray for honor and maybe hoping that the people telling you what to do have some too.”


P.S: I was supposed to post it in the first week of may, but since I work now and have a busy schedule it got delayed.

My Mundane Schedule!!!

For the past few days, I have been following the same routine daily, i.e., come early to the college, fully armed with laptop, books, copies and a mind frame to read.This is a tough task, after spending two years in ITM, I mean to sit with books, with the intention of studying them, I have been using them as sleeping pills always. So, my routing begins at 9:45 in the morning, when I rush out of my flat to catch bus at 9:50. Thanks to new and improved ITM administration and its cascading effect on the drivers too, who have made punctuality a habit nowadays. I reach college, and enter the library. Oh!! before I enter the library, I have to search my  bagtand take out this I-Card and then the guard allows me to enter. Why would someone with brains, ever come to ITM, without any reason. (There are two assumptions in it: 1. ITM is not a place to be; and 2. Im a person with brain) The librarian must be happy now since he doesn't have to complaint "Sumitra, aap to kabhi library aate hi nahi". So, I sit in the library whole day, chat online, listen to music, watch videos, watch movies, read articles, pop in to other's blog, read newspaper (mumbai mirror), surf net for stupid topics and last but not the least, study!!! The only good part being, I sit in AC the whole day and I get a plug point reserved for my laptop the whole day.

When I talk of studies, maths has been driving me crazy nowadays. I know nothing, time, speed and distance seems to be the toughest thing to me (actually I don't find a logic or reason behing someone from management background calculating the speed of trains, boats and cycles. What are we to do with it?) Is it like we have less travelling allowance for people taking the trains that travel with more speed and vice versa. Or we have annual appraisal based on who goes against the target and who goes with the target (as in against and with stream).  For around half an hour I sit with all these stupid thought and then I realize that I can't help it anyways, so I start (with lots of courage), going through maths book. Yes! going through, I read maths :(.

Inspite of this busy schedule I do take out time for wandering how different life would have been, hasdI continued with my CA thing. And then I remember this saying "let bygone be bygones".

I have two exams coming and though I have really less chances of making to both, I want to give my best :).

Hoping for the best.... is my mantra at this point of time, since I have no other options! 

Its already 5:17 pm and Im sincerely waiting for 8 pm, so could go to the canteen, watch IPL for some time and then take a bus back to hostel and most importantly, get done with my today's schedule.

My takeaways from Mumbai!!

It was July 2008, when I first stepped to Mumbai, with lots of dreams, aspirations and hopes to make it big. I was like all other people who come to this city of dreams with the intention of only gaining and not loosing anything. I too believed the same way. I felt I has nothing to loose, so it was a good deal. I joined my college with lots of enthusiasm, not realising what life has to offer me over here. When I look back , I find I have lost  lot of things, including trust, but on the other hand, gained faith and friends for life.

When I came here, my only intention was to get a degree and enter the corporate world, be a renowned figure in my field and someday get a degree from IIM in fellowship. I was the usual girl I used to be in the initial days. Then slowly slowly life started changing. I began adopting Mumbai's lifestyle, wherein most of my language got twisted. I lost the innocent kid I used to be and transformed into someone who was quite matured and too demanding. I began using slang in my conversation and much before I could realize I was the one often using words like f***, in my sentence, which I once used to put in the category of forbidden words. I adjusted with that and thought, that was just and as I would not be loosing anything in that process didn't care much about it.

Well, then the thing happened which made me loose my trust on emotions, feelings, love, guys and many more but that at the same time made me realize what good people were around me and how was I neglecting them.

I met this guy, whom I even dated for a year, and then I broke up on a very hostile note. Things were not at all good when I broke up, and I had to bear that. I tried to hide my pain from all the people, around me which was an unsuccessful attempt though. I wrote N number of poems, notes, diaries and shared my feel with that. When words could not suffice, my eyes, my actions spoke up. I started doing things which were totally unexpected out of me. At times, I landed up in such conditions, where I was on the verge of killing myself, (well not in an attempt to suicide, but in a road accident). Then I got selected in a paper presentation and went to kirloskar, which proved to be a rescue. Met some really good people there and talking to them helped me a lot. When I could not handle my breakup all alone, since its my first and i hope it to be the last too, I confined to my frens. Anand, Ifti, Manpreet, Vishakha, u guys were really helpful. And I should thank Anand, my best fren at ITM, for being there always whenever I needed someone to talk too. I know I have been shouting at you and acting foolish at times, but you never mind it. You actually are one  among the list of my best frens ever.

When I was with my guy (ex-guy) I was so into him, that I never got time to look around and even judge people in my own classs and around me. It was only after I was over with him, I could judge them in a proper manner. Though we have lot of politics, but some of them, who I take to be my good frens are superb!!!!

so to sum it up, 

I gained:

1. A fren for life;

2. A lifetime experience on trusting people;

3. A firm belief on there is no such thing called love at first sight (at least not on internet);

4. A degree in PGDM-HR;

5. An happening hostel and boring hostel life;

6. An I don't care attitude;

7. Lots of lingo and colloquial "gaalis";

8. Experience on how difficult is it to get a job;

9.  Lesson that brands counts and no matter how well you are in concepts, you need to have 60% throughout;

10 Lots of memoried which I would never forget.

I loosed:

1.  My trust on the one whom I has totally trusted;

2. My belief in the so called "pyaar andha hota hain" dialogue;

3. The innocence once I had;

4. The sweet language once I used;

5. The free person, I used to be as in when I never used to take life seriously and did whatever I wanted to do;

Nyways, gain is more that loss, so not a bad deal :)

Till my next blog or till I remember some more points to add.... ADIEU

My Diaries

3rd February 2010

  There has been lots of things going on around these days. With placement session going on and tension looming on the minds of those who are yet to be placed, I being one of them, makes it kind of frightening at times. And I feel my case is just special, everyone might feel so with respect to them, but since its my blog, I will write what I feel :).

I have been seeing custom messages of people these days. some of the specimen. 

Bulbul:   one person ready to depart...............just 7 days with one of my best roomie(ex-roomie) P.S. miss u  dear.

Swapna:  I really gonna miss these place.....I m gonna miss my college days.

Minal:     last few days of college......................(sorry I don't remember the whole lines)

Its not that I don't know it has to get over. Some day this course had to complete and we had to leave. We all were so strangers when we came here, tried knowing or to put in better words understanding each other and developed a bond which grew stronger and stronger with time. We all would definitely miss these days. But as said, life goes on and all that I would do is pray that somewhere, somehow, sometime I do meet you people and probably then we will have more important and actually meaningful/serious issues things to discuss.

Leaving the happening of my college and having a look at the outside world. I read a news today, which talked of an Indian Girl, UMA JHA, who won the brightest brain award in Australia, at the age of 14 years and now would be participating in the international contest. Wished her luck!!!

And again as per my usual habit, started comparing myself to her and where I stand. I was way behind her, in fact I still stand there. The only thing that gave me a relief was, she might be good in her own ways but Im best in my own ways. 

Last few days, have also shown how human mentality works. How we get happy on the success of some of our close people. I also came to know the opposite of that, but didn't pay much attention to that since it was not my concern.

One more thing that has been bothering me is how would I adjust with new people in coming few months. I will have to shift coz my courses are soon to get over, and then I will have to leave hostel as well as my roommates and friends. I remember what happened to me when I went to Mundra for my summer's. M kind of busy preparing myself for that too....

Oh God!!!...I have my exams and m busy writing blogs...this shows how frustrated Im with studies now :)

P.S.: thanks Minal, Swapna and Bulbul

  the person for whom Bulbul's custom message was meant is Manpreet. I too will miss u Beti. LUV U.. TAKE CARE :)

Mumbai, Decemeber 23.

How does it feel when you are sad, feel alone, unwanted and all of a sudden you get a text from a long time friend reading "I was listening to aaoge jab tum from jab we met and started missing u guys".  Well for me it was a savior. I recently came out of a bad relation, and was facing the aftermath of it. So much so, that could not sleep properly and was fighting with my eyelids in an attempt to keep them closed tightly, so that I would in that process fall to sleep. But all in Vain!!  Then suddenly there was a beep sound and a text on my cell. It was the one which acted like a lullaby, and I was asleep soon.

I have often realized that as we progress in life, we often tend to overlook many of the people who at some point of time had been too close to us, as a fren. It might not only be with me, but with all of us. Simply because we get so involved in our daily chores that we loose touch with them. Though we remember them at times and miss them, we don't get enough time to make them feel of know that "I MISS YOU GUYS". :(

But still, when you need them, knowingly  or unknowingly something happens which makes you feel good. Thanks Utsav for that message.

So, this goes to all of us, who intentionally or unintentionally forget to remind their friends that they are precious and remembered and missed always. Do take few minutes out of your busy life and either text them, or send a mail, saying how special they are :)...

Merry christmas, and a happy new year !!

Date: 23rd November 2009
Place: Karnataka

I have been at this place for the past two days now. This place is so good that I don't feel like leaving it. I wish I could do that. Of course, I can't since back there at Mumbai, we have placement season going on, and with the kind of market we have now, its better not to take any chances. So the point is that I have to leave.
The scenic beauty over here and the weather, mild breeze, the wild darkness, the cool wind and all made me feel at home again. The kind of persons I met over here, never let me feel even for a second that Im between strangers. Everyone acts so good as if we have been friends for years. I feel extremely comfortable over here(needless to say that my mentor Gopal sir is the director of this institute).
The moment I boarded my bus from Kharghar I was quite apprehensive as to what will I do there? will I be comfortable? How will I react to people and there strange gestures, their unfriendly and hostile glances. It all turned out to be the other way round. One of my worries was regarding me getting nervous during presentation. I should thank the people over here for making me so comfortable that I could not make out that I was presenting before KIAMS students and not ITMites. Post presentation was superb, as all of the people who listened to my preentation and show me presenting came up to me on their own and appreciated my effort(who on this earth would not like that, to be appreciated by people...).
It doesn't matter to me now whether I win or not. It was all about participation and getting experience, exposure and a break from the busy schedule of ITM(I know busy schedule sounds a little funny.hehe).
Back when I return to ITM, I know I would definitely use all the things I learnt over here. And needless to say, I feel totally new now and quite relaxed. Well this was the break I badly needed and I got it finally!!!
Well its time to get back to work and head for the placement cell, with full enthusiasm, determination and zeal to make it.. :)
THANKS KIAMS FOR GIVING ME SUCH A GUD EXPEREINCE......will miss u guys :(